Two Irishmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A blonde walks by and asked them what they were doing. Paddy replied, 'We're supposed to be finding the height of this flagpole, but we don't have a ladder.' The blonde took out an adjustable spanner from her bag, loosened a few bolts and laid the flagpole down. She got a tape measure out of her pocket, took a few measurements, and announced that it was 18 feet 6 inches. Then, she walked off. Mick said to Paddy, 'Isn't that just like a blonde! We need the bloody height, and she gives us the length!
The lead story on the front page of the March issue Fishing and Outdoors shows how desperate DoC is to carry on their systematic poisoning of NZ’s once great outdoors - which is public property.
It would appear even the NZ police have tainted themselves being coerced by DoC into wrongfully prosecuting Graeme Sturgeon.
DoC's spin machine with the use of taxpayer money, has convinced most of the NZ public as well as visitors to this country into believing the myth of “invasive pests.”
The general public and visitors know nothing of the damage caused by the systematic blanket poisoning with the super toxin 1080 that it is supposedly the saviour of our wildlife. In fact it’s the ruin of our wildlife.
OSPRI, TB Free or Animal Health Board is in cahoots with DOC. It represents a bloated bureaucracy, spinning lies to farmers and public about the mythical Tb story.
TB could be eradicated overnight if proper testing was done.
In anywise NZ has been Tb-free by international standards for a decade. Still OSPRI juggernaut grinds on.
Inflated salaries and bureaucratic empires are at stake. It is no wonder the DoC and its supporters will go to any lengths to protect its destructive ways by straight out lying.
It is a monstrous gravy train built around lies.
However too many of the Hunting and Fishing public are lethargic. They are apathetic, lazy and selfishly not interested. They need to get rid of that.
If more good honest kiwis such as Graeme Sturgeon stood up and were counted, this systematic poisoning of NZ would come to an end. Apathy has to stop and the many more that know and enjoy the outdoors in lots of different ways have to stand up and be counted.
1. Look closely at the signs on the road that show you the speed limit. The number indicated is the maximum speed you can travel. Whether you’re on foot, bike or car.
2. Try to locate your car’s speedometer. You normally find it somewhere in front of the driver’s seat, on the dashboard. It has an arrow pointing to the number that reflects the car’s speed. On newer cars, the speed is sometimes displayed digitally, with numbers.
3. This last point is also the hardest. Adjust your speed according to the number shown on the road sign. The police cannot fine you if you do not drive over this number.
Strangely, there seem to be surprisingly too few who are aware of this simple yet genius trick. And best of all, if you stick to it, you’ll never have to pay a speeding fine ever again. Even better — the road will become much safer for everyone!
4. If you wish to travel at a speed slower than the speed signs allow let other traffic pass by pulling as far left as practicable and if you come to a passing lane carry on at the same speed as you have been travelling. If you speed up when you come to a passing lane you are an inconsiderate arsehole.
An Auckland policeman spots a huge black guy dancing on the roof of a Ford Sierra car. He radios for backup. "A big black guy is dancing on the roof of an old Ford car." "You can't say that over the radio!" replies the comms operator, "You must use politically correct terminology." "OK!" he says: "Zulu.... Tango... Sierra!"
A radio station in Australia ran a phone-in competition to find the most embarrassing moment in listener's lives. The final four were:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and started to run amuck. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself, right now, she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma I saw you kissing Daddy's Willie last night.' After this enlightening exchange, the silence was deafening. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank, with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard as the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggyback ride down to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on as a whole crowd of people yelled 'SURPRISE'. My entire family parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins as well as my friends, were standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen on the spot in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no one in my family has planned any surprise parties.
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checkout, she learned that one of the items had no price tag. The checkout girl got on the public address system, which boomed out across the store for everyone to hear, 'Price check for Tampax supersize.' But it got worse. Someone at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood word 'Tampax' for 'Thumbtacks', and replied in a business like tone, his voice booming over the same public address system: 'Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind one you belt in with a hammer.
First place: And the winner is . . .. This happened at a major Australian University, during a biology lecture. A professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen.
A young woman raised her hand and asked, 'If I understand you correctly, you are saying there is as much glucose in male semen as in sugar?'
The professor responded, yes, that's correct adding some statistical data. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, 'Then why doesn't it taste sweet?' After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing.
The poor girl turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said, she picked up her books, and without another word, walked out of the class.. However, as she was heading for the door, the professor's reply was a classic. Totally straight faced, he answered her question. 'It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat'.
Sales Manager: Graham Carter P: 07 8551833 M: 021 02600437 E:
W: www.fishingoutdoors.org P.O. Box 10580, Te Rapa, Hamilton 3240 Facebook